Road House

March 19th, 2024

MOVIE: ROAD HOUSE

STARRING: JAKE GYLLENHAAL, DANIELA MELCHIOR, CONOR MCGREGOR, JESSICA WILLIAMS, BILLY MAGNUSSEN

DIRECTED BY: DOUG LIMAN

AMovieGuy.com’s RATING: 2 STARS (Out of 4)

A movie can be both good and bad simultaneously. Typically, when you enjoy a bad movie ironically, the reality is that it’s just actually bad, and you have fun watching it with friends, like The Room or Cats. Road House, the 1989 Rowdy Herrington action flick, with Patrick Swayze as a bouncer in a small Missouri town, dealing with unruly patrons and a mean businessman- that’s a good movie. Sure, the premise is silly and everything about it is pure 1980s, but it’s also incredibly entertaining. Remaking Road House isn’t necessary; because director Doug Liman wants to make a new version, he doesn’t know whether to make it silly or serious and what you get is one bad movie. Parts of this Road House are good. More parts of it are bad. But its biggest sin is that this Road House gives us nothing to remember.

Plot-wise, not much is different, except for the location, where the setting is the Florida Keys. The hero is Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal in his rare Southpaw form), an ex-UFC fighter, spending his days at underground fights, with little regard for his own life. Bar owner Frankie (Jessica Williams) takes notice of his skills and asks if he can help her with a biker gang causing trouble at her establishment- The Road House. After some convincing, he shows up and connects with a nice girl at a bookstore and a nurse named Ellie (Daniela Melchior). What Dalton doesn’t know is that a wealthy developer named Ben Brandt (Billy Magnussen) wants to get rid of the bar for his new hotels. He sends violent thugs, such as wreckless psycho Knox (Conor McGregor) to pick a fight but Dalton hates bullies and is ready to take on all he can handle.

There are plenty of interesting facts about this Road House. The performance from Gyllenhaal is much deeper, as Dalton deals with past traumas and gives more reason as to why he’s a violent man. The problem, however, is that the screenplay from Anthony Bagarozzi and Chuck Mondry can’t decide if they want this to be serious or silly. It’s only silly when McGregor arrives and the arc for Dalton is too overwrought to laugh at. The violence is chaotic and intense. Liman shoots scenes similar to his style in The Bourne Identity, which moves quickly but has an ugly CGI look. That sums up the problems in Road House, it’s too flashy, and nothing feels real.

When the trailer for Road House arrived, so did the behind-the-scenes controversy, as Amazon told Liman that his film would have a theatrical release. Instead, it’s only streaming, which turns out to be the right choice. From a visual sense, there is an overcast gray color scheme, making the story extra depressing spending time with assholes. It also doesn’t help that nearly all the charisma and sexual energy of the original Road House is sucked out. Swayze had a cool sex appeal which Gyllenhaal lacks because of his serious tone. Kelly Lynch was a luminous bombshell, while Melchior left little impact. And where Sam Elliott arrived as a late edition, none of that shows this time around.

This Road House may find an audience, those viewing it repeatedly at home, just might find it as mindless entertainment. That may have been the goal for Liman and company but I think the result is much too serious. There are no monster trucks. There are no throat rips. It’s lacking in all the fun. The reality is that this Road House is trying too hard, which hurts to see. Pain don’t hurt…but bad remakes leave a mark.

ROAD HOUSE IS PLAYING ON AMAZON PRIME THIS THURSDAY MARCH 21ST, 2024.

2 STARS

Written by: Leo Brady
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