Red One
November 13th, 2024
MOVIE: RED ONE
STARRING: DWAYNE JOHNSON, CHRIS EVANS, LUCY LIU, J.K. SIMMONS
DIRECTED BY: JAKE KASDEN
AMovieGuy.com’s RATING: 1 STAR (Out of 4)
RATED: PG-13
RUN TIME: 124 MINUTES
After Red One wrapped production, entertainment outlets reported that Dwayne Johnson was frequently late to set and allegedly saved time by peeing in water bottles during filming. That bit of behind-the-scenes drama gives you a pretty clear idea of what to expect from his latest holiday movie. While Johnson certainly isn’t the sole reason Red One fails, it does serve as a fitting symbol of a film that was likely doomed from the start. The final product confirms those suspicions. This chaotic, overblown mess belongs on the naughty list as one of the worst movies of 2024.
The story centers on Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans), a man who never believed in Santa as a child and, as an adult, couldn’t care less about anything or anyone beyond himself. He’s a morally dubious hacker who sells secrets on the dark web, takes jobs finding missing persons, and spends his nights drinking himself to sleep in his bathtub. Meanwhile, up at the North Pole, Callum Drift (Johnson) — a name that seems better suited for a different kind of movie — is the head of security for a jacked-up Santa (J.K. Simmons). Though Callum is the best at what he does, he’s growing weary of the holiday season, frustrated by the growing number of “naughty” people and the lack of “nice.”
The two are brought together when Jack sells the coordinates to a mysterious reaction happening at the North Pole, leading to an evil winter witch named Gryla (Kiernan Shipka) kidnapping Santa. Now, Jack and Callum must team up to rescue Mr. Claus before Christmas is ruined. If that plot sounds convoluted, trust me — it only gets more ridiculous as the movie unfolds. Red One is a CGI-infested spectacle, complete with monster snowmen, a trip to Krampus’ dark castle (Kristofer Hivju), and a host of mythical creatures that make the whole thing feel more like a Star Wars movie than a holiday adventure.
The screenplay, penned by Chris Morgan and Hiram Garcia, and directed by Jake Kasdan, is a collaboration that’s just as muddled as the film itself. It’s shocking how boring it all is, considering the promised spectacle. The special effects are atrocious, and the sets look like they were shot on a shoestring budget in a local TV newsroom. It’s not that Johnson and Evans aren’t trying; it’s just that the material feels beneath them. The whole cast suffers from the lackluster material, with Lucy Liu delivering a stiff, uninspired performance as Zoe, the leader of the MORA (Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority), and Bonnie Hunt as Mrs. Claus, who looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. And that might be the biggest sin of all: Bonnie Hunt is a treasure, and this movie wastes her talent.
Unlike the charm of holiday classics like The Santa Clause, The Christmas Chronicles, or Elf, which offer a fun behind-the-scenes look at Santa’s world, Red One completely misses the mark. The film lacks any real creativity in building its Christmas universe, with its over-reliance on CGI and sets that look like they were built on a studio soundstage — it’s debatable whether any scenes were even filmed outdoors. Despite being rated PG-13, Red One struggles with its tone, leaving audiences to wonder whether it’s a family-friendly holiday flick or a bloated, $250 million misfire created by studios that just want to waste our time and money.
In the end, Red One is a big, jolly dud.
1 STAR
RED ONE IS IN THEATERS ON FRIDAY NOVEMBER 15TH, 2024.
Written by: Leo Brady
